After
by michelle1203
Summary: That night is a blur, and the days following are the hardest for Hiro.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters.

I couldn't stop thinking about what Hiro had to go through that night and the days after Tadashi's death, so I had to write this. This work is also on AO3.

* * *

Hiro felt someone sit him down on something hard and metallic. They covered his shoulders with a blanket, shoved a mug of warm liquid into his hands, and placed Tadashi's hat on his head. He didn't see who it was, but he had the urge to tell them to stop. To tell them that it wasn't his own hat, that it belonged to his brother, and his brother would take it back.

But he knew Tadashi wouldn't take his hat back. Tadashi wouldn't run up to him and check to see if he was okay. Tadashi wouldn't ruffle his hair and call him a knucklehead. Tadashi wouldn't, because Tadashi was...

Tadashi was...

Hiro couldn't bring himself to think what Tadashi was, let alone say it. He took the hat off and stared ahead. For now, the only thing he could think about was his brother running into that building. There was still a faint ringing in his ears from the explosion. A firefighter asked him if there was anyone he knew inside building. Hiro weakly replied with his brother's name. Another firefighter asked him if he was okay, if he was hurt.

 _Emotionally or physically?_ Hiro wondered, but didn't say anything.

Tadashi would have rolled his eyes. A paramedic was called over for good measure. He answered her questions with 'yes' or 'no', sometimes lying, until she was satisfied enough that he didn't have to go to the hospital. Once the paramedic left, then Aunt Cass and his friends crowded around him. They started talking at once  
 _  
Thank heavens you're okay. I could have lost you tw—_ _wait where is your brother?_

 _Hiro, are you okay?_

 _Are you hurt?_

 _Is Tadashi okay?_

 _Did you see what happened?_

 _Where is Tadashi?_

He just sat there on the back of the ambulance. Too many voices. Too many painful questions. His chest ached from holding in his emotions. He felt like he was choking, like something large was caught in the back of his throat. He felt like he'd swallowed several pounds of Tungsten carbide.

 _Hiro, did you see if he was placed on one of the other ambulances?_

 **Where is Tadashi?**

God, could they stop asking him questions? He wanted to scream that Tadashi wasn't here, but he couldn't.

Honey Lemon connected the dots. "Hiro...is Tadashi...dead?"

It felt like someone had punctured a water balloon in Hiro's chest, allowing all of the pain to slowly trickle out into his body. He looked up and focused his sight on Aunt Cass and his friends. Now that things weren't so fuzzy, he could see everyone except the person that mattered the most. His eyes traveled down to the cap beside him. He couldn't say the words. Honey immediately began crying. He watched her cling to Wasabi, her shoulders trembling. The taller man covered his mouth.

Go-Go clenched her teeth, "He ran inside, didn't he?"

Hiro nodded.

"W-Why would...did he give a reason...was someone inside?" Fred asked. "He wouldn't have just...gone into that…"

He heard himself say, "Callaghan. He ran into help... I tried to stop...then the explosion..."

A broken sob escaped his throat as Hiro gave an inward moan. He leaned forward. He placed his face into his palms in an attempt to hide his pain. The mug shattered on the ground. Aunt Cass held him close to her chest, and Hiro tightened his arms around her. They cried softly together, both Hamadas too afraid to let go of the only family they had left.

* * *

Hiro didn't remember much about the rest of that night.

For the next few days people asked him questions, wanting his opinion on things, wondering how he felt. He'd only respond with a nod or a shake of his head. Plates of food made their way into the bedroom he had a hard time calling his. He left the food untouched and only sipped at the glasses of water and cups of tea provided to him. Eventually, he was forced to come downstairs and eat. Not because he was hungry, but because Go-Go couldn't stand the idea of him wasting away from grief. Well that, and the fact that once the younger Hamada was downstairs, the team could send Wasabi and Fred up with Tadashi's hat. The two carefully made the bed and placed Tadashi's cap on top of the blankets, all the while praying and hoping that Hiro could find some semblance of peace. Before they left, Fred slid the partition into place so Hiro wouldn't have to deal with the emptiness until he was ready.

Downstairs, Hiro picked at his dinner. It took some coercing from the triple-team combo of Honey, Go-Go, and Aunt Cass, but he managed to eat four bites of chicken and two spoonfuls of mashed potatoes, before excusing himself from the table. Hiro brushed past Fred and Wasabi on the way up the stairs, and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. The little things he missed about Tadashi's presence kept making him cry. Tonight it was the broccoli. He hadn't eaten his broccoli and, if Tadashi were there, he'd tease him about this.

 _Just pretend you're a giant and eat the little trees, knucklehead!_

Hiro would laugh and Tadashi's would ruffle his hair. Just thinking about it all made Hiro even more upset. He noticed the partition and felt a sense of unsteady calm. He climbed into his bed and turned out the lights. He hoped he could sleep tonight without vividly seeing the flames or remembering the smell of the smoke that night.

* * *

The funeral hurts.

Every second of every minute of the funeral is like someone swinging a bat against his stomach. Seeing Tadashi's casket nearly brought him to his knees. He knew it was empty, he knew his brother was cremated that night, but the thought of it all was too much to handle.

Then there was all the bowing, the nodding, the hugging, the 'acceptance' of people's sympathy. He's exhausted by the time they go home. The weight of everyone's worry for him is in the air, and it's enough to crush him. All he wants to do is go to bed, but he sits on the top step instead and listens to people talk about him to Aunt Cass.

 _You ought to send him to a counselor. A young child witnessing such things. It's not good. Terribly sorry for your loss. Kiss Hiro for me? I'd do it myself but he's seemed to have disappeared._

That was Mrs. Matsuda. He could tell. He knew she meant well, and knew she was probably right, but he wished she had worried about her clothing choice for the funeral instead of his mental health. Moments later, someone else brought the subject up again with Aunt Cass.

 _So sorry for your loss. Do you think Hiro might develop some sort of traumatic stress from seeing Tadashi's death?_

"It's a little late for that," Hiro muttered.

He'd recognized the signs after his fourth nightmare. He'd try to deal with it himself until it really started to affect him. Besides now was not the time to tell Aunt Cass that he likely had Post-Traumatic Stress. He hears Aunt Cass thank the person and start talking to Honey. Their footsteps move closer to the stairs. He listens to his friends talk to Aunt Cass before eventually going upstairs and back to bed. Maybe things would hurt less in the morning.

* * *

It's the next night when Hiro truly breaks down.

The house is quiet and empty of extended family and friends when Hiro wills himself to walk over to Tadashi's side of the room. He pushes aside the partition and sees Tadashi's hat on the empty bed. The wind gets knocked out of him again and this time he lets himself fall to his knees.

"Hiro, I just wanted..." Aunt Cass's voice trails off when she notices him on the floor.

He closes his eyes. He can hear her feet on the wood. Instantly, it seems, she's beside him on the floor. Her cool hands touch his burning skin as her thumbs wiping away the tears already on his cheeks.

"It's my fault," he chokes. "I should've tried harder."

"No," she coos. "No, you did everything you could."

He places a hand on his chest, a vain attempt to steady himself. "I could've done more."

"Oh no...Hiro...my sweet boy."

"I'm sorry, Aunt Cass. It's my fault. I should have stopped him. I should have made him listen."

"Hiro, no." Aunt Cass holds him close. "Don't do this to yourself. If Tadashi was going to help someone, there was nothing you could've done to change that."

"I could've...I could..."

Hiro collapses into a mess of hiccups and sobs. He lies down on the floor and places his head in Aunt Cass's lap. She strokes his hair and rubs his back, willing to give Hiro all night if he needs it. His body shakes. He mutters things she can understand and things she can't, and she does her best to agree and disagree where it's necessary. The tightness in his chest slowly eases as he continues to cry until eyes feel raw and there's a dull pain in his head.

"When will things be okay again?" whispers Hiro. "I don't want it to hurt anymore."

"One day," Aunt Cass assures him. "It'll be better one day."

Hiro doesn't have the energy to ask when that day will be. All he can do is close his eyes and hope it comes soon.


End file.
